Aunt Agatha on Politics: Do you suppose City Council members are smarter than a sixth-grader?
Do you suppose City Council members are smarter than a sixth-grader?re they smarter than a sixth--grader?
Two of our beloved City Council members, Jimmy “Pizza Man” Marcos and Councilwoman Geraldine “Class of 82” Valentino-Smith, sit next to each other at the end of the council table in the plush, well-lighted meeting room at City Hall. They both have children in sixth grade at the same school (St. Pius), so now and then you may spot them clandestinely trying to figure out sixth-grade homework assignments while not listening to boring presentations on feral cats or new sewage lines in Bowie.
Maybe they should turn to Councilman Dennis “Tree Climber” Brady for help when they encounter a vexing question. Engineers like Tree Climber are very smart, or so the councilman tells his colleagues, and others, every now and then.
Auntie often ponders whether any member of the city’s august governing body is actually smarter than a fifth- or sixth-grader. Perhaps Bowie’s cable access channel (led by the determined Bowie media mogul Burt “The Georgian” Oliver) could host a new game show: “Are You Smarter Than a Bowie City Council member?” in which Bowie’s elected notables valiantly try to best our local elementary school students in a general knowledge test. Auntie wouldn’t wager much on the council members.
For years Auntie wanted to produce a show on BCMC, “Monday Night Survivor,” in which the contestants actually try to sit through an entire council meeting without yawning or dozing off. Or maybe a Bowie production of “The Price is Right,” which would feature curtains hiding the actual costs involved with, say, a new animal shelter, a new indoor sports facility or a new senior transport bus with a handy lift to aid seniors in wheelchairs boarding the vehicle. Contestants picking the right dollar amount would get a free brown-bag lunch with City Manager David Deutsch or a guided tour of Bowie’s hot spots with Mayor Gee Fred. Auntie would take the lunch.
———
Here’s Sarah Palin, the old guy’s vice-presidential running mate, offering her insight into energy: “Oil of coal, of course, is a fungible commodity and they don’t flag, ya know, the molecules where, where it’s going to, where it’s not, but and in the, in the sense of the Congress today they know our very, very hungry domestic markets that need that oil first. So I believe that what Congress is going to do also is not to allow the export bans to such a degree that it’s Americans who get stuck holding the bag without the energy source that is produced here, pumped here; it’s gotta flow into our domestic markets first.”
She’s obviously an expert on the subject. All the Bowie elders at the senior center were falling down with laugh attacks over that one when Auntie recited it for them.
Speaking of the bumbling Miz P, she says she knows all about foreign policy because Russia’s loony leader Vladimir Putin, when he flies to the United States, utilizes Alaskan air space. Too bad presidential hopeful McNasty didn’t tap Auntie for the veep spot because Auntie’s weekly card games at the senior center are regularly disturbed by planes carrying world leaders in and out of Andrews Air Force Base right here in Gorgeous Prince George’s. So, there, Sarah — Auntie, too, knows a lot about international relations thanks to osmosis.
———
Three weeks ago, Mayor Gee Fred and City Clerk Pam “It’s in the Files” Fleming made Irish bigwig Desmond Guinness an honorary citizen of Bowie during a Bowie seniors’ trek to the Emerald Isle with Auntie’s fellow scribbler and world traveler, Judge Jerry. Auntie wonders if the beer heir comes to Bowieville will he pick up the tab for the suds at Pizza Man’s watering hole in Bowie Plaza? Auntie would be grateful.
———
County Executive Jolly Jack Johnson is furloughing the wage slaves in Upper Marlboro to help shrink the budget fall the county’s Dear Leader is responsible for. Auntie wonders if perhaps an honorable discharge for Jolly Jack might be more appropriate.
———
A branch of M&T Bank is coming to Bowie Plaza to replace the Mattress Man outlet now located there. At a recent City Council meeting, the poor bankers had to sit through a wordy and lengthy hearing, expecting to speak about their project. However, due to some snafu they were not on the agenda. Auntie is shocked! Perhaps they should have stopped at the Mattress Man store and lugged one of its products into the council chamber. The bankers decided they would just submit their materials for the council to ponder. Wise choice.
———
Rushern “Rush” Baker’s getting older. The former county legislative delegation chairman and two-time candidate for Pee Gee county executive is planning a birthday bash Oct. 24 to celebrate his Big 50! The frequent visitor to Bowie is, Auntie is told, going to toss his hat into the ring next year and again run for the office that Jolly Jack Johnson has bungled over two terms. Auntie thinks Rush would be a great candidate. The county certainly needs fresh new leadership, doesn’t it?
———
Speaking of Jolly Jack, and of course we always do, his office of creative writing announced that a one-day economic outlook forum, “Envision Prince George’s County” (snappy, that, eh?), is set at the University of Maryland.
In a press release, Jolly Jack is quoted as saying, “Prince George’s County has been making strides that few other jurisdictions can boast for the last several years, even during tough economic times.” Oh? Does that include the multimillion-dollar financial shortfall and all those dubious development arrangements that are under investigation?
Auntie wonders what’s in the water over there in the county Administration Building.
———
But Auntie was pleased to note that nothing seems to keep Councilwoman Diane “I Am Woman” Polangin from her appointed rounds.
Seems the dear lady had committed to join Mayor Gee Fred at St. Matthew’s Methodist Church Saturday morning for a daylong event with the city and others to encourage self-preparation for emergency situations. Unfortunately, the dedicated Miz Polangin pulled some significant back muscles prior to the event but, cane in hand, she showed up at the very well-attended meeting with the mayor, Councilman Jimmy “Pizza Man” Marcos and a room full of St. Matthew’s members. Congrats to Miz P, the pastor and members of St. Matthew’s for their commitment and leadership in working with the city to improve emergency preparation conditions. Auntie is pleased to share her mustard splints with Miz P if necessary.
———
Auntagatha@bladenews.com
